|
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Mother: Did you have a good first day at school? |
| Child: I'm not going back to school ever again |
| Mother: Why ever not? |
|
Child: The teacher doesn't know a thing, all she does is ask questions! |
Swimmers Page
| Tell someone you can pin a glass of water to the wall -- a real glass,
not a paper cup, using an ordinary straight pin. Naturally they won't
believe, so you set out to prove it.
Get a glass of water and a pin. Hold the glass up to the wall and start to pin it up. And then drop the pin. You've got the glass in position just right, so you ask your victim real nice to get the pin for you. When they bend down to pick it up, dump the water on their head. This works especially well when there's a crowd of people watching. It can also be very dangerous for the joker, so be careful if you try it. |
"Is
your mother home?" the salesman asked a small boy sitting on the steps
in
front of a house. "Yeah, she's home," the boy said, scooting over to
let
him
past. The salesman rang the doorbell, got no response, knocked once,
then
again. Still no one came to the door. Turning to the boy, the fellow
said, "I thought you said your mother was home." The kid replied,
"She
is;
| Q: What kind of fish can't swim? A: Dead ones! |
|
Votes has been counted for the club captains and the following swimmers have been elected. |
|
Senior Boys 10-13 Years |
Senior Girls 14+ |
|
Colin West |
Gillian Stewart |
| . | |
|
Junior Boys 10-13 Years |
Junior Girls 10-13 Years |
|
Mark Campbell |
Alison Stewart |
|
|
|
Mother: Did you have a good first day at school? |
| Child: I'm not going back to school ever again |
| Mother: Why ever not? |
|
Child: The teacher doesn't know a thing, all she does is ask questions! |
|
After eating an entire
bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut. -- |
|
Q: Why must two elephants go for a swim in the pool? . |
|
History Jokes |
|
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What did the Sheriff of Nottingham say when Robin fired at him? That was an arrow escape! |
Teacher:
When was Rome built?
Pupil: At night. Teacher: Why did you say that? Pupil: Because my Dad always says that Rome wasn't built in a day!h! |
|
Q: Why did the orange stop running down the hill? A: "Because it ran out of juice." |
| "Remember
that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life in which you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you." |
|
Your motto should
be "Drink a little, often". Drink on average 100ml every
10-15mins during the session regardless of whether you feel thirsty or
not. If you do feel thirsty then it is already too late as it takes
20mins for your brain to register that you are thirsty i.e: you are
actually 20mins more thirsty than you feel (if that makes any sense).
|
|
Riddles: 1. I don't have lungs or a chest but I need air; I am not alive, but I
grow; I don't have a mouth and I'm allergic to water. What am I ? Answer: Fire 2. I am found in the sea and on land but I do not walk or swim. I travel
by foot but I am toeless. I'm never far from home. What am I? Answer: A snail 3. I run but I never walk. I have a mouth but I never talk. I have a bed
but I never lie. What am I ? Answer: A river
|
Knock Knocks (Can U do any better?)
| Knock
Knock Who's there ! Les Les who ? Les go for a swim! |
Knock
Knock Who's there ! Ray ! Ray who ? Ray drops keep falling on my head ! |
Knock
Knock Who's there ! Sweden ! Sweden who ? Sweden sour is my favorite Chinese meal ! |
Knock
Knock Who's there ? Radio ! Radio who ? Radio not, here I come ! |
| Knock
Knock Who's there ! Gala ! Gala who ! Galafornia here I come ! |
Knock
Knock Who's there ! Aaron ! Aaron who ! Aaron the barber's floor ! |
Knock
Knock Who's there ! Aitch ! Aitch who ? Bless You ! |
Knock
Knock Who's there ! Stopwatch ! Stopwatch who? Stopwatch your doing right now ! |
|
My name starts with an M, I am a good swimmer. Bums are stinky and so are you.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
GUESS WHO!!!!!!!!!!!
|
The owl and the pussycat went to sea,
but the end of our story's quite sad.
The owl pushed the pussycat over the edge
`cos her gameboy was driving him mad.
|
"Help in finding any text within a document" Searching a document for "swimmers" Click on the "Edit" menu (at the top left of the screen to the right hand side of File) Scroll down to "Find" (with the binoculars) and click In the option box type in the phrase you want to find e.g. a swimmers name, NPDX Click on "Find Next" and you will be taken to the first entry in the page! This works for any words you want to find. Keep clicking on "Find Next" & be taken to any other entry |
| . |
| Please send in your, jokes, stories, useful information, swimming tips, top 10's or anything you want to share with the rest of the club and we will try to update this page on a regular basis. |
